Posts by Fed Up

69

A QUESTION FOR GUYS

by sandy in

why do some guys feel the need to have sex with their ex-girlfriends?

is this a common thing?

how many of you guys did or do this?.

Fed Up

Outoftheorg

Now you REALLY sound like my husband because you have the SAME sense of humor--and it would be just like him to come here just to screw with my head....

and he's my network administrator, so he knows exactly where I go on the internet!

I'm the one who lacks a sense of humor--according to him, I lost it right after I passed the CPA exam.

So maybe I don't have EVERYTHING he could possibly ask for in a wife,

But he also only has to work now when he's in the general mood because I earn more than enough for the both of us

So it's a trade off he says he can live with...

36

IN LOVE & CONFUSED

by unique in

here is my dilemma - short and to the point, need advice.

i met a man several months ago who is jw and we hit it off from the first night we met - (met in lounge) - and then spoke to him on a few occasions.

he admitted to me the first night we went out that he was married, at first i wasn't sure if i should pursue this, then he just swept me off my feet.

Fed Up

Yes, this isn't right, but you know what LIfe is too short - If I died tomorrow - would I have any regrets? ABSOLUTELY NOT.....

Yes, I've always said that I'd rather regret the things I did than the things I didn't do.

But I also draw the line at dating married or attached men.

Please understand that the reason so many on this board are telling you this same thing is because most of us have personally witnessed the results, which SUCK pretty much every time.

I also met my current husband just shortly after I left my first husband--and shortly after his wife had thrown him out of their house--for another man...but regardless, I refused to date him for a year, until long after his divorce was finalized and I was SURE there was nothing between them and no possibility of reconciliation. I didn't do that for him or her, I did that for ME!

It has nothing to do with love, it's self-respect, and you get what you give.

Best of luck.

6

Need Advice

by Purza in

i am going to try to make this short.. i have a best friend who is a faded jw (not df'd, just inactive and attends meetings infrequently).

i have been friends with her since we were toddlers so i know her pretty well.

she was in a 20 year marriage with a jw who also happened to be a drug addict and abuser, etc.

Fed Up

I think your friend's right. Friends are for support, not judgement and we all need to make our OWN mistakes in life.

I actually DO know couples whose marriages have survived infidelity and have gone on to grow and thrive.

As far as him not treating his stepkids well? Well, I have 2 stepdaughters myself who I love and adore, but being as I have on-going problems with my husband's ex, I've been involved in several support groups for second wives and "blended" families for years, and a lot of people have dificulties with stepchildren--fault can go both ways, and you might want to think about reserving judgement until you've heard his side.

Regardless, even if you know she's making a mistake, it's hers to make, and as her friend, your place is to be there to provide comfort and support in the aftermath--BEST friends can also resist saying, "I told you so."

Best of luck to you and her.

69

A QUESTION FOR GUYS

by sandy in

why do some guys feel the need to have sex with their ex-girlfriends?

is this a common thing?

how many of you guys did or do this?.

Fed Up

WELL FED UP I AH WEEELLL UUUMMMM.
HELL, I DUKNOW AM I??
DO YOU MEAN MY CURRENT WIFE? EVERYTHING A MAN COULD WANT.
OR DO YOU MEAN YOU MAY BE ONE OF MY EX WIVES

I'm sorry, outofthe org, you must not have read my any of my previous posts and misunderstood.

By that I meant that my husband also has a problem with his ex wife trying to have sex with him, (so she can get him to cheat on me) and that's been going on for 20 years now! She just broke up with yet another husband and has renewed her campaign to get HIM back and he's about as fed up with it as I am!

He's "out of the org[anization] too and from the tone of your post, I was just somewhat being facitious in commenting that you could be him, because you seemed to be "echoing" his same sentiments about his ex.

Please forgive me for not clarifying. Is this better?

And in case anyone else misunderstood--Of course I agree with all the guys who commented that there are plenty of women who play this game with their ex's too! After all, I've been dealing with one who's been after my husband going on 20 years now!

69

A QUESTION FOR GUYS

by sandy in

why do some guys feel the need to have sex with their ex-girlfriends?

is this a common thing?

how many of you guys did or do this?.

Fed Up

THE WORLD MUST OF CHANGED AND NO ONE TOLD ME.
MY EX WIVES. #1 ABANDONED ME AND THE KIDS. I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD SEX WITH HER IF I WAS PAID FOR IT.
#2 SAID HER FEELINGS FOR ME CHANGED AND GOT A DIVORCE. DITO ON HAVING SEX WITH HER ALSO. NO AMOUNT OF MONEY WOULD CHANGE MY MIND.
Outoftheorg

Are you sure you're not my husband?

69

A QUESTION FOR GUYS

by sandy in

why do some guys feel the need to have sex with their ex-girlfriends?

is this a common thing?

how many of you guys did or do this?.

Fed Up

Reading your post reminds me how much I wish I could be a lesbian too!

Men don't just want to have sex with their ex's--they want to have sex with ALL women! Ex's are just easier prey because of their vulnerability!

When I left my first husband, not only did HE keep propositioning me, but EVERY SINGLE ONE of HIS friends propositioned me as well! After all, having left him after discovering that his GIRLFRIEND was living in my attic made me ESPECIALLY juicy prey, because they perceived that I was exceptionally vulnerable--you know, like tigers go after baby does and the deer who are already crippled.

That, and the fact they thought with the circumstances surrounding our break-up, out of REVENGE, I'd be a WILD WOMAN in bed with them. My EX even tried to get me to have sex with him, telling me that by doing so, I'd be able to get "revenge" on his GIRLFRIEND for breaking up our marriage!

But I have more self-respect, and besides, I'm really GOOD at getting revenge without having to resort to lowering myself sexually... (Oh, for anyone who read my initial post....I'm not a WHORE!)

Your ex-boyfriend may also think that you will SCREW him to get back at his current girlfriend--lots of women do! I know my current husband's EX keeps coming on to him--hoping to get him to "give in" and screw her--and thus, hurt ME to the point of breaking up with him so SHE could get him back...(of course, she'd just DUMP him again...but it's an EGO thing for her).

It's not just MEN who do that! Plenty of sick demented women do it too--but NONE who you should want to be involved in a relationship with!

Another news flash for you...he is LYING to you about his girlfriend "doing everything he wants sexually"--if she did, he wouldn't be coming on to YOU! And he's also LYING if he says he LOVES her, and he didn't love you either, or anyone else either, because he can't because he doesn't love himself.

Don't you know? In order to be able to love another human being, you first have to love yourself, and you can't do that if deep down you know you're a SLIMEBALL because you treat the very person you are supposed to care about the most like SCUM! He can lie to you and everyone else, but deep down he knows he's nothing but a SKANKY HO!

OH, and if he's telling you all about his sexual relationship with HER, you'd better believe that he's already shared all the NASTIEST, most INTIMATE details of YOUR sex life with HER! Gentlemen don't talk--and the men who do--talk to EVERYONE--and that means all his friends know too! "From what he tells me he can get her to do it if he was more insistant?" Why the HELL is he telling YOU that? Oh...it's because he's already told HER that he got YOU to do it! Do you appreciate his NEW woman knowing that? Don't even THINK about deluding yourself into believing him if he's told you that he doesn't talk about you to her--you already know he's a liar!

What's not healthy is for you to be talking to him at all! Disfellowship the asshole from your life. Oh, and I personally think you'd feel better about yourself if you paid your own gym membership. I personally would also just pay him back the money I owed him, even if I had to take out a bank loan to do it--my self-esteem would be worth the bank's interest!

5

Old flames and heavy drinking

by LongHauler in

shakespeare wrote in ?romeo and juliet?

why, such is love's transgression.

griefs of mine own lie heavy in my breast, .

Fed Up

Unrequited love is the most romantic, because never having truely known the object of your affection, they can remain forever perfect in your mind. They never threw out your favorite bowling shirt, yelled at you for staying out all night with the boys, spent your entire paycheck redoing your living room in PINK and MAUVE, or made you miss the game because there was a special on the "woman's lifetime network!"

If you actually got together with this girl, your perception of her could, and probably would, change, and maybe that's what's been stopping you all these years. This way, she remains your perfect "soulmate".

Unfortunately, that can also prevent you from finding your real soulmate, so I think you should just go visit her and "hit" on her. Either she'll tell you to screw yourself, and come up with many creative names to call you (and replace all those perfect memories you had of her) or she'll have an affair with you (and replace all those perfect memories you had of her!) Either way, it will end those unresolved questions and you'll be able to move on with your life.

37

Whenever I think of death I think of sex

by logansrun in

be honest.

if you were raised a jw didn't you fear that you would die during the great tribulation and never have sex for all eternity (since ressurrected people don't have sex, according to the wt)?

whenever i think of an early demise -- nuclear war, for instance -- my thoughts almost automatically turn to, "i want to have sex.

Fed Up

If you can't have sex, what's the point of living?

The JWs don't believe there will be any sex involved in the "afterlife"?

That should tell you right there their religious beliefs are WRONG!

Stephanie, your husband doesn't like to try new things in bed? And was TURNED OFF when you tried "spicing" things up by talking dirty to him?

For a man...he's just not right! Someday you will work up the courage to leave him and after you find the first guy who shows you how much FUN sex really is, you will be kicking yourself for staying with the jerk as long as you did!

19

Sometimes it just doesn't matter how much you care about one another

by imallgrowedup in

when certain circumstances interrupt the natural flow and growth of a relationship, it is like a flower that continues to be cut off just as it is beginning to bloom.

the bloom is the desired result for both people, but the bush it grows on (the relationship) continues to take a beating because of the circumstances, and so it just isn't possible for the flower to reach it's fullest potential.

sometimes there is no access to the bloom for one person because the other has erected a fence around part of the bush and the flower itself with the thought that it can protect it, but what it actually does is make it impossible for the other to nurture it and keep it alive.

Fed Up

but living in constant pain/frustration is no way to live -

It sure isn't--that's why after leaving my first husband, I got up every morning and COMPELLED myself to do my happy dance, while playing music which REINFORCED the MANY reasons I left him--(as if his girlfriend living in my attic wasn't enough!), strengthened my resolve NOT to go back to him--no matter how much he BEGGED me to return--he even rented a room at the hotel I managed for a week and stayed there just to try to get me to talk to him! Thinking of my marriage in terms of a failed garden and singing "The Rose" would have KEPT me in pain--"Red Rubber Ball" brought me right out of it, boosted my self-esteem, and enabled me to face the day with a smile on my face! Another good one--"Time for Me to Fly" by Loverboy... "I make you laugh, while you make me cry...I believe it's time for me to FLY!" Great way to start out your day!

The only men who date depressed women are depressed men--do you want another one of those?

Within 3 months after leaving my husband, my song changed to "It's Raining Men, Hallelelujah!

And to clarify, I never said my in-laws were "bitchy", they're not. They're sickingly sweet--while they're sticking that big old knife in your back! I said they're WHORES, and whores ACT very, very nice! People who are MEAN and NASTY to you are NOT whores, because at least they are honest, and let you know it's coming so you have a chance to defend yourself against their attack. Whores pretend to like you so you will be distracted and caught off guard while they're screwing you over!

I don't hate my ex either. The opposite of love isn't hate--it's indifference. As long as you still hate someone, there's still some emotion, some feeling left. When you are indifferent, there is none. That's when you know you've truely moved on.

Moving on a quickly as possible just makes it that much sooner that you will be able to find the relationship that you truely deserve, one that is FUN, and that's what makes for a happy, fulfilling and LASTING relationship. Best of luck finding yours.

19

Sometimes it just doesn't matter how much you care about one another

by imallgrowedup in

when certain circumstances interrupt the natural flow and growth of a relationship, it is like a flower that continues to be cut off just as it is beginning to bloom.

the bloom is the desired result for both people, but the bush it grows on (the relationship) continues to take a beating because of the circumstances, and so it just isn't possible for the flower to reach it's fullest potential.

sometimes there is no access to the bloom for one person because the other has erected a fence around part of the bush and the flower itself with the thought that it can protect it, but what it actually does is make it impossible for the other to nurture it and keep it alive.

Fed Up

I'm also sorry to hear that you're having a hard time. Brings back memories of when I divorced my first husband--didn't want to, and I THOUGHT we were happily married--but finding out that his girlfriend was living in our attic served as my wake-up call!

We all handle things our own way--but for me, well, thinking about our ruined marriage in terms of gardens and beautiful flowers wouldn't have done my mental health any good, so....

Post-divorce, I felt the need to get up in the morning to sing loudly, while dancing to an up-beat song that fostered more positive thinking. "Hit the Road, Jack" is always good, but my all time favorite is an old Paul Simon song called Red Rubber Ball...

I should have known you'd bid me farewell
There's a lesson to be learned from this and I've learned it very well
Now I know you're not the only starfish in the sea
If I never see your face again, it's all the same to me

And I think it's gonna be all right
Yeah, the worst is over now
The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball

You never care for secrets I confide
To you, I'm just an ornament, something for your pride
Always running, never caring, that's the life you live
Stolen minutes of your time were all you had to give

And I think it's gonna be all right
Yeah, the worst is over now
The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball

The story's in the past with nothing to recall
I've got my life to live, and I don't need you at all
The roller coaster ride we took is nearly at an end
I bought my tickets with my tears, that's all I'm gonna spend

And I think it's gonna be all right
Yeah, the worst is over now
The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball

And I think it's gonna be all right
Yeah, the worst is over now
The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball
It's bouncing and it's shining like a red rubber ball

Hope things work out for you.